As you mourn your beloved friend, remember to celebrate the life and love you shared

Suggestions for coping with the loss of a pet

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• The first days are the hardest. Give yourself time to rest and reflect. You may crave the company of people who want to hear about your pet, or you may need time alone.

• Everyone has their own way of grieving — some people want to slow down, while others try to stay busy. Some people like to talk about feelings, while others keep strong emotions to themselves. Try to understand if another family member’s response is different from yours.

• Coping with loss takes time. Expect to have good days and bad days as you miss your dearly departed friend. It is very common for strong emotions to catch you by surprise, especially because so many places, objects, events, and anniversaries can trigger powerful memories. Don’t try to make yourself “get over it” by any deadline or according to anyone else's expectations. Strong feelings can resurface days, months, and even years later - this is very natural when remembering those we have lost.

• Guilt is always part of grieving. It is impossible to experience loss without regret for things we could have done better, or for things wish we hadn’t done. Expect to feel guilt and try to forgive yourself for anything that could have been better. Don’t forget to remember all the love and care you gave to your pet. See below for more information on guilt.

• Resources for children can help kids understand death and cope with sadness. A link to resources for parents is at the bottom of this page.

• When feelings of grief seem overwhelming, seek help from people who understand. This may be a friend, a support group, or a grief counselor. A resource list is below.

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Suggestions for Memorializing a Pet

• Compiling a photo album or scrapbook can help recall happy times. This will also serve to remind you of how your pet was in health - this can be of immense comfort if there is any guilt over euthanasia.

• Videos and photos can be posted online, e.g. on Facebook or on a pet memorial site like APLB.org or RainbowBridge.com - you may be surprised to find how many people reach out to you

• Other creative ideas include writing a poem, story, song or eulogy for your pet

• Paw Prints on paper or clay. Photos of the paw can also be used to make art projects

• Keepsakes such as tags, a whisker, lock of hair, feather or a memorial stone can make a pet's memory more tangible

• Plant a memorial plant or garden

• Consider making a donation to an animal charity on your pet's name

• Commission a painting made from a photograph

• Pets' ashes can be incorporated into beautiful materials such as Memory Glass and tattoo ink

• Light a candle each day in memory of you pet, remembering the love and joy you shared

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Pet Loss & Guilt

Guilt is almost always part of grieving. It is so hard to lose a loved one without thinking of things that we wish we had done, done better, or not done. Many loving and dedicated pet owners are wracked with guilt at the end of a beloved pet’s life. Modern medicine, with all the options it offers, leaves too much room for people to second guess their decisions. The euthanasia decision can also cause pain and self-doubt.

 

Guilt often comes from one or more of these concerns

• Concern that you caused the illness/injury, could have prevented it, or could have cured the pet.

• Being unable to afford care, or being physically unable to care for a pet at home.

• Euthanasia: ethics, being present, and other considerations leave so much room for doubt. In particular, many loving pet owners fear that they waited too long, or euthanized too soon. Illness usually takes an unpredictable course, and many aspects of this are truly beyond our control. With many diseases, it is impossible (even for a veterinarian) to know what each day will bring. The notion of a precise “Right Time” is a myth, but one that can bring much distress to owners who feel that they might have missed this magical moment. For pets who have better days mixed with bad ones, it’s okay to say goodbye on a good day.

 

Almost all pet owners feel guilty about something they could not have prevented or done differently. If you deeply mourn the loss of a pet, this means that you truly loved that pet. Make a list of everything you wish you had done differently. Look at each of the items on the list one by one and ask if it is really true.

• Did you really have another option for what you could have done?

• Would the long-term outcome have been very different if you had acted differently?

• Ask your veterinarian to help you understand the medical aspects of your pet’s case – very often, terminal pets can be helped for a brief time only.

• Some owners regret pursuing too much care, and thereby prolonging illness. But if there was a chance for recovery, these tough decisions were made with love.

• Remember that disease, disability, and discomfort brought about this end-of-life situation. Euthanasia is a gift to end or prevent suffering.

• If a good friend had made the same decision for their pet, what would you say to them?

• If your pet could have talked about their care, what would they have said? Would they have wanted to live a prolonged life with debilitation? Would they want you to undergo financial hardship for heroic care? Wouldn’t they know that you loved them and were doing your best?

 

So often, guilt is sorrow crying for a way out. Some people may even hold onto guilt as a way to hold onto a beloved pet’s memory, but this is not what our pets want for us.

 

Sometimes, even the most loving pet owner makes a mistake that results in harm. It takes time to heal from guilt in this situation, but try to remember: animals are so forgiving – this is part of the unconditional love that makes the human-animal bond so strong. Would your pet want you to be tortured by guilt? If you could write to your pet a description of everything that you feel guilty about, how would he or she respond? No one is perfect, and you can find the strength to learn from your pet’s life and forgive yourself.

 

The hardest thing for a loving pet owner to do is make decisions about the end of life. Many people become focused on every aspect of their pet’s last days, particularly which treatments to give, and when to say goodbye. It’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture during this time. Remember that every individual has a legacy that is much greater than their final days. The details that surround the end of life do not take away from the years of love that you shared. Nor does anyone want to be remembered as terminally ill. The biggest part of healing is seeing your pet’s life in its entirety. We owe our pets the honor of remembering the best parts of their lives and our joy in having shared our lives with them.